Remember when you were playing on the play ground in elementary school and one of your classmates said something mean to you. Remember the very first time you had your feelings hurt by a friend. The first time your crush was not that into you, your first break up. The first time someone you trusted, cut you so deep you stayed in bed for a week.
We all go through these growing pains in life. Some people more than others. Some hold onto the hurt longer than others. Some people never get over the pain of heartache at all. Emotional damage is heartbreak for a reason. As we grow and are hurt, we gather our self worth through the lens of others basing their perception of us on how much we love ourselves.
As we grow into adulthood if we PUSH hard enough those heartaches somehow become our strengths and one day after many tears and struggles, hurt and pain, we wake up. We realize that our life’s value should not be in someone else’s change jar. We realize that just maybe the hand we were dealt, the heartache we went through was to prepare us for a life of value, self love, and purpose. All the nights we prayed, pleaded and bargained with God. All the nights we cried in the shower to numb the pain of another relationship failed, abusive relationship, abandonment by someone we loved.
What if those heartaches, that pain is the part of the story that molded you, the clay. What if you were made to withstand the blazing fire that will keep you together. That will permanently make you into who you are supposed to be . The story you will tell the world when the fire has stopped burning and you are stronger than ever. What if all the sleepless nights are part of one huge plan and purpose for your life designed by someone who can see the finished product. “But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.” Isaiah 64:8
The question is how? How do I find myself lost in the pain, lost in the heartache, self worth non-existent. My answer for you. You take every single minute, hour, and day to add value to yourself, it is time to repair your self worth. No longer should another persons words or thoughts about you stop you from loving yourself. I have compiled a list of my own experiences from my self-love journey. It is not easy. It is hard. It takes every day to battle my demons, those past voices of kids who called me names in school, past abandonment or unhealthy relationships. I am here to tell you it can be done. You deserve to love yourself, you are worthy.
1) You begin to talk kindly to yourself Show yourself love, grace and forgiveness. Speak to your seven year old self and tell her it will be okay, that one day she will be a strong example to others. Promise her that you will love yourself. Your beginning is not your end and all of those who have hurt you, that pain had nothing to do with you, the problem was within them this whole time. You can not carry those burdens and their pain any longer. Repeat to yourself daily: I am enough. I am worthy. I am loved.
2) Meditate, Pray, Spend time in nature: Nothing connects us to ourselves quite like nature and our minds. If you are not spiritual you can still find self love through meditation. Youtube has some great meditation videos. They take you away from the busy thoughts of your mind to help find peace within. Pray, find your spirituality. If you don’t know how to pray, just talk to God. He is listening and he will hear your cries. You can do either of these while outside during a walk or just sitting under the stars. There is something about nature that we find ourselves in. Maybe it is going back to our roots, slowing down time or just the fresh air and cool breeze.
3) Take a trip, alone There is nothing as liberating in the world as traveling alone. Start small with dinner by yourself, a weekend away. Then take off. Buy that plane ticket, show up, meet some nice locals, get dirty. Leave the past and say hello to the future you. The strong, bold, confident you!
4) Do not allow anyone to treat you disrespectfully, unkindly or cruelly. You must know in your heart that no one is allowed to call you names, curse at you, be unkind to you are even put their hands on you. If it does not make you happy, if it does not fulfill you, if it does not add value to your life, it is time to let it go. Leave, find support. KNOW YOUR WORTH. Is it easy? Not at all. But staying in an unfulfilling situation will not make your life any easier either.
5) Find your purpose and passion What is it that sets your soul on fire? What has she been called to do? Passion is a funny thing as it changes as we grow, as we figure out who we are and what we want to become. I know one thing is for sure though, we are not living a fulfilled life without purpose. Passion fuels our purpose. Find yours. FIND IT. Try new things, learn new things, pick up hobbies, create, read , love, fuel your hunger for whatever it is your heart desires. Purpose and passion fill us with self-worth.
Piece by piece you will become that 7 year old girl again. Before the pain and heartache. She is inside of you waiting for you to heal so that you can find her again and fill her with the love that the world tried to take away. The little girl who wants to be kind despite the heartache or damage. Find her. Give her a second chance at life. We can’t change the past but we can still change how we see ourselves in the future! You are worthy. You are enough.
Be the change.